


Learning To Love

by ForestGnome



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, For the Love of Shadow Weaver, Mentions of Suicide, Pining, Redemption for Shadow Weaver, Selfharm Scars, Shadow Weaver survived ig, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) Season 5 Spoilers, Slow Burn, after season 5, mentions of selfharm, wlw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:08:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25714825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForestGnome/pseuds/ForestGnome
Summary: Your seemingly perfect day keeps on going downhill.The worst yet is that you get sent on a mission to a place you never wanted to set foot on again with the last person you want to be in close proximity to.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Entrapta/Hordak (She-Ra), Netossa/Spinnerella (She-Ra), Perfuma/Scorpia (She-Ra), fem!Reader/Shadow Weaver
Comments: 8
Kudos: 56





	1. Downhill

The first light of day made its way through your curtains to awake you, it took your eyes a moment to get used to the light. Usually, you’d never sleep through an entire night, let alone woke up this late. On any normal day, you would have woken up approximately three hours earlier. This was most likely to happen because of a nightmare.  
Realizing that today was different brought a genuine smile to your face. You hadn’t been able to conjure a smile like this since your childhood.  
Still content with how your life felt you went into your bathroom to take a quick shower and get dressed for the day. Before you left you opened your windows and took a quick glance at the castle grounds.  
You had never realized how gorgeous Bright Moon was during this time of day. Pale sun rays were illuminating the plants, statues, and even the armour of the palace guards. You could even catch a glimpse of the Moonstone, reflecting the most beautiful colours in the early light, from where you stood.

Listening to the birds sing, you asked yourself: _'Is this what Perfuma means, when she talks about zen?'_  
With an unusual spring in your step, you made your way to the meeting room. As Glimmer announced yesterday, she would hold an important meeting first thing today. Curious about the announcement, you quickened your pace.

“Oh good morning [y/n]!” the guard you were walking by said with a friendly smile on her face. You greeted her back and hurried our way upstairs.

That’s when you noticed Perfuma, one of your closest friends among the princesses.

“Perfuma, wait up!”, you called out to her, to which she turned around.  
“[Y/n!] I thought you’d already have arrived at the meeting! What kept you? Did you sleep well last night?” your friend enquired as she pulled you into a tight embrace.  
You responded with a nod and added:” No nightmares this time and no waking up in the middle of the night either.”  
In response Perfuma beamed at you, saying:” That’s amazing!” You continued chatting all the way to the meeting room.

“Did you know that roses help with sleeplessness and nightmares? Place it beneath your pillow to keep any other nightmares at bay.” With these words, your friend handed you a rose, which she had grown on the spot by using her powers.  
You took it with a grateful smile: “I hope you’re right.”  
She didn’t say anything but the spark in her eyes spoke for itself, saying _‘I always am’_.

Following this exchange, you two passed the guards at the door to the meeting room.  
Once inside the room, you split up and went to your respective seats. Perfuma went to sit next to her girlfriend, Scorpia.

You had always sensed that there was chemistry between the two from the day you met them.  
After the rebellion had defeated Horde Prime they quickly started dating. And they made for the cutest couple in all of Etheria you thought.  
You waved at Scorpia, who waved back before giving her girlfriend a quick peck on the lips.

Seeing your friends overjoyed like this made you feel the fuzzy warmth of happiness in your soul. But it also made another feeling spread in your gut, something you didn’t want to feel.  
A feeling akin to envy, a yearning for a relationship just like this and to be happy with someone just like they were. But you had never had this kind of luck with anyone, and doubted that you'd ever have it.

Not wanting to get upset, you banished the negative thoughts and upcoming memories to the back of your mind.  
You forced the cheery expression back on your face as you made your way through the room to your own seat at the head of the table to Glimmer’s left.  
Upon approaching your chair you saw that somebody else had possessed the audacity to take their seat on your spot. Barely a heartbeat later you recognized just who it was.

  
Shadow Weaver.

  
Your entire body tensed up with anger while your positive attitude vanished. Despite your fury, you clung to the last bit of calmness as you confronted the sorceress.  
Until now, neither she nor Glimmer had taken notice of your presence.  
When you spoke you did so with sickly sweet civility.

“Pardon me, but this is my chair.”  
Glimmer and Shadow Weaver, who had engaged in an animated conversation before, both turned their attention towards you.  
“Ah yes, I tought it was time for a little change. But I should have expected someone like you to be offended by that.”  
There was a provocative lilt in the way she spoke, you knew you couldn’t let her get the better of you.  
“Whatever that’s supposed to mean. I don’t care what you expect of _someone like me_ , but you will get out of my seat now unless you want me to drag you out of it.”

By now your voice had taken a threatening growl to it. At this point, everyone present had focused their attention on your exchange.

“Oh my, my- how aggressive. I didn't even do _anything-_ Glimmer do you think it’s a good idea to keep her around? She seems like a danger to everyone’s well being.”

Shadow Weaver was clearly mocking you and trying to get something out of you. Whatever her goal was with this, you were well aware that your actions were exactly what she wanted. You shouldn’t give her the satisfaction of being angry nor staying true to your threat.

However, you would not be pushed around by some treacherous sorceress either.  
“Listen here, you might think that you’re better than the rest of us. But in truth, you aren’t more than a bitter old lady who’s only sources of validation are manipulation and a web of lies. So you best not cast judgement on me, understood?”

As you spoke you stared directly into the eyes of her mask and something about the expression on your face made her tremble and draw away from you.  
“Leave now.”, you demanded of her.  
And to your surprise, she actually stood up and left for her actual seat across the table from you, without saying a single word to you or anyone else.  
With an exasperated sigh, you let yourself fall into your chair and were made painfully aware that everyone had taken notice of this exchange becausenow everyone started talking again and you knew that they talked about you. You hoped that the rest of the expected people would arrive soon, that way you the meeting would commence and you wouldn’t be stared at as much.

“[Y/n]! [Y/n] talk to me!” Glimmer’s voice interrupted your train of thought.  
‘How long has she been trying to get my attention?’ you thought.  
You turned to your best friend and gave her a defeated smile:

“Sorry, what is it?” You asked this although you were aware of what she wanted to talk about.  
“No, I’m sorry.” The apology took you by surprise, it wasn’t like her to apologize first thing. “I shouldn’t have let her sit next to me. But she said that she had something to talk to me about before the assembly. I expected her to take up maybe five minutes of my time, but I was wrong-”  
“Glimmer, please. It’s not a big deal and- just please don’t beat yourself up over it, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong.” You felt bad for cutting her off, yet you couldn’t stand listening to her blaming herself for this.  
A smile of relief spread on Glimmer’s face: “Oh, I’m so glad that you’re not mad! One more thing-” She got interrupted by the last two attendants arriving, Mermista and Sea Hawk.  
“Nevermind, we’ll talk once the meeting is over.”  
You nodded as Glimmer gave you another reassuring smile before she addressed the room.  
“Thank you for arriving on time everyone. I know this is an unusual timing for a meeting but I have something of great importance to announce.”  
She looked around and then began speaking again:” Not long ago we defeated Horde Prime and the Horde in general. And while we have mentioned it before, I wanted to state this as official business. Bow, Adora, Catra, Melog and I will be going on a mission to restore magic in the universe-”

Your attention trailed off again since you noticed that you were being stared at. You carefully looked around, hoping to catch whoever it was. And to your surprise your gaze fell upon none other than Shadow Weaver herself, just blatantly staring at you.  
_‘What’s the meaning of this? Why would she be staring at me?’_  
You decided to just stare back at her, which led to her looking away quickly once she noticed.  
You couldn’t help finding this odd. Yet you figured that she was probably looking for any visible weakness or trying to see, whether her behaviour earlier made a detrimental impact on you.  
“-While I’m away my father will take over my role as queen- no- king!” Glimmer blushed in embarrassment but when Catra lost it and laughed out: “Oh god, Sparkles you’re hilarious. A toast to queen Micah!” The entire room, including Glimmer, broke out into uncontrollable laughter.  
After a few minutes everyone had calmed down and Glimmer continued:

“This is not all. I need to send somebody to the faraway Queendom of Yberinna as an ambassador.”  
The mention of this place made you choke on the air you were breathing.  
“[Y/n]? Are you okay?” Glimmer enquired.  
“Yes- No...I- I mean- Yberinna doesn’t exist...anymore. It was destroyed!” you stuttered out under shock.  
Everyone’s eyes were on you again, looking at you confused. Many of them had likely never heard of the Queendom before.

“That’s what we thought until yesterday. That’s when Bright Moon received a call for help via a communication channel we didn’t know existed.”

“It could be a trap, we don’t even know what or where this Queendom of- uh Yba-something-something is!” Mermista criticized.

“That’s right, most of you wouldn’t know about it. It’s where [Y/n] is from.”, Bow spoke for the first time during the meeting.

As you looked around you saw shocked faces looking at you.  
“I thought you were from the Crimson Waste?”  
“Why have you never told us?”  
“So you are an actual princess?”  
And other questions of this nature were directed at you.  
You cleared your throat in distress and briefly explained yourself:“Well, I am originally from there and I sort of am a princess, let’s not talk of that. And I left the Queendom for the Crimson Waste. Uh- yeah, that’s that.”

Everyone just looked at you even more shocked.

“Don’t be mad, I really don’t like remembering my old home.” You said in excuse, though there was more to it.

“Just give [Y/n] time, guys. She’ll tell us when she’s ready.”, you were thankful to Perfuma for defending you and smiled at her.

“I wasn’t done yet!” Glimmer reminded the group. “And since it’s [Y/n]’s ‘home’, it’s who I have to send there.”

“I- I can’t go there. Even if anyone still lives there, they wouldn’t want me. They see me as a traitor!” You added in a panic.

“You are the only one who even knows the vague direction and the customs, I’m sorry. You might have to take up a disguise, but that shouldn’t be a big problem, right?”  
Upon seeing how lost you looked at this prospect, the queen added: “I’m not sending you alone, don’t worry.”

“Then who will be going with me?”

Glimmer drew in a breath: “There is only one person I can send with you-”

“Say it Glimmer!”

“Shadow Weaver...”


	2. Underwater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer involves you in a serious conversation which sparks a realisation in you.  
> The rest of your day passes normally until a strange incident occurs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite dark if you're very sensitive about topics like self-harm and suicide you might want to proceed with caution.

“Shadow Weaver...”

The silence that spread after Glimmer dropped the name was deafening.

Your eyes widened in shock before you let your head sink into the palm of your hand. _‘Could this day possibly get any worse?’_

“It’s the only way [Y/n], no one except for you two is qualified for a mission like this. You know the place and the customs, and Shadow Weaver- She can be very persuasive, you know. And also she can help you out with magic.” At this explanation, you let out a dry laugh, more as a cry for help than anything else.

“[Y/n], what’s the issue? You’re not afraid of Shadow Weaver, are you? Not even I am!”, you heard Frosta’s childish voice ask. 

To which Catra stepped in: “No, Frosta. [Y/n] is definitely not afraid. You’d understand if you had been here earlier. I’ll explain later.”

“I am not afraid of anything, Frosta. You should know that! And I also don’t have a single reason to be scared of her.” You gestured in the sorceresses vague direction.

“If I needed to I could full-on deck her, got it?” You did your best not to sound too annoyed, especially since she was just a little kid, but at this point, you simply wished to wake up from the nightmare which reality had become.

In response to your last statement, you heard Bow and Glimmer break out into hysterical laughter.

“I can’t believe she just said that!” Bow pressed out between laughs racking his body. And instead of responding Glimmer just laughed more.

Was ‘to full-on deck somebody’ a weird thing to say? You overheard Glimmer say it many a time, therefore you figured that it was okay to say it.

Glimmer tried to get a word in again: “Anyways-”

However, Bow was interrupting her attempt with his maniacal laughter.

“Bow calm down- I know it’s funny but we need to be serious right now!”

“I’m so sorry Glimmer-” He giggled and covered his mouth with his hands to avoid making more noise.

The way Glimmer looked at him told you that she wasn’t mad at Bow in the slightest. You also figured the two would talk about this incident for a long time, turning it into an inside joke.

“What I was about to say is that this mission which I am sending [Y/n] and Shadow Weaver on, is of great importance. Simply, because we don’t know much about the Queendom of Yberinna, but if we can help them, they might help us too in the future.”

Now she looked directly at you: “So [Y/n], I need you to go on this mission with your assigned partner and I need you to go through with it to the best of your abilities. And this is an order!” Now she turned to Shadow Weaver: 

“This counts for you too. Both of you will not allow yourselves to get distracted or sidetracked during this mission!” Both of you nodded. 

“I have one question. I only remember the vague direction to Yberinna, but the Crimson Waste is in that direction. So I need to know whether we can go there too, to check in with Huntara. Just, you know, to see if all is well?”

Glimmer nodded: “I thought you would ask this. Technically yes, but only on your way back to Bright Moon. I can’t have you waste any time in this case.”

You nodded in defeat. You had hoped to see Huntara and the Crimson Waste again soon.

You thought talking to Huntara first might give you some much-needed confidence in this matter. That was not going to happen though unless you disobeyed Glimmer’s orders. Something you definitely shouldn’t do, yet you found it to be an option worth considering. You could probably find some way to trick Glimmer and maybe, just maybe, Shadow Weaver could be of help in that case.

“With that done, I think we can call it a day! If nobody else has anything to say that is.” Glimmer addressed everyone present. A unanimous response to the contrary confirmed the ending of today’s meeting.

After officially closing the meeting Glimmer asked you to stay behind, so you could finish the conversation you started earlier. You watched as everyone left the meeting room, waiting for Glimmer to initiate the conversation.

“I hope you’re fine with Bow being here too?”

“Of course! That shouldn’t even be a question among friends!” you said, smiling at both of them. “So guys, what’s this all about?” you added.

“Well, [Y/n], since you’re my best friend-” Glimmer began, only to be cut off by Bow.

“I thought I was your best friend?” he said half-seriously half-jokingly to which Glimmer went over to him, cupping his face in her hands.

“No, you, you are my boyfriend and my favourite person in all of the universe.” Glimmer gave him a loving look and a quick kiss on his deeply blushed cheeks.

“Aww, Glimmer, you’re the sweetest!” he replied, blushing deeper.

Again, despite your happiness for your best friends, you felt the stinging sensation of envy in your gut.

Not wanting to let your sorrows out on your friends you smiled as though nothing was wrong: “As cute as you two are, I’m not too fond of third-wheeling.” 

“Alright, alright!” Bow and Glimmer stated in unison, as they parted and looked at you.

“Where did I leave off? Ah yes, at you being my best friend.” Glimmer said, more to herself than to you. You simply nodded in affirmation. “So, since we’re best friends I’m worried about you. I know, you don’t want me to be concerned about you ever, but I can’t help it. So does Bow by the way.” 

“What makes you worry? Cut to the chase!”

“Fine, just don’t get mad! Okay?” 

“I won’t get mad, I swear!”

Glimmer sighed in relief: “Alright. First of all, you are a great friend to us. By now you get along with pretty much everyone here. Nonetheless, I couldn’t help but notice that you don’t always feel comfortable around us and that you’re still battling something. You didn’t even trust anyone but us two with information about your past, not even Perfuma. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t want to see you holding on to something bad, I want you to work through it, I want you to get better.” You looked at her in surprise, knowing she was right but not wanting to admit it.

Your past was in fact something that kept bothering you. You couldn’t adjust to life in the castle for a long time, because you still behaved like someone from the Crimson Waste.

Once you adjusted and became friendlier to everyone you began fearing rejection from them, memories you had banished, had made their way into your consciousness and kept you up at night.

You began suffering from terrible insomnia and nightmares as you had in your childhood again.

Living in Bright Moon started to cause you emotional distress because things kept reminding you of Yberinna and all that had happened there- 

You nodded at Glimmer and broke the silence which had spread by saying the first you could form into words:

“I- Do you think, I’m a danger to everyone around me as well?” Both Glimmer and Bow looked at you in shock. It was what Shadow Weaver had said about you earlier.

 _‘Glimmer do you think it’s a good idea to keep her around? She seems like a danger to everyone’s well being._ ’ 

Her words had burned themselves into your mind and you heard her say them over and over again.

You believed them.

This was why Glimmer wanted you gone because she too felt that way. 

The call for help from Yberinna was probably a welcome way to get rid of you. 

You could hear Bow sigh loudly.

“Don’t let what Shadow Weaver said get to you. She is just trying to get under your skin! She did it to others before, just ignore it. Nobody else feels like that about you.” Glimmer nodded in affirmation. 

“Then why are you sending me away with her, if you know that she’s just trying to manipulate and mess with me?” you were almost yelling at Glimmer and tears were stinging in your eyes.

It wasn’t like you to cry and you hated yourself for crying now. 

How could you be so weak? 

No one was meant to see you like this.

“I’m sending her with you because you aren’t that different from each other. You see, both of you have a troubled past and you both feel like outsiders among us. Despite that Shadow Weaver is starting to redeem herself and you are on your journey to becoming a better person, neither of you will see success without making amends first.” Glimmer took a quick break to catch her breath. 

“She obviously is someone holding you back, so you have to start to get along, for your sake. Since people are starting to trust her she needs to prove herself worthy by doing more for the good of others. That’s why she is on a mission answering to a call for help from a place we know barely anything about. She is still being mistrusted and if it stays like that, she might relapse and turn evil again. That’s why I think you can use this mission to help all of us, by giving her a chance. Furthermore, you’ll be able to cope with your past by confronting those places and ideally, you won’t have Shadow Weaver holding you back anymore. Maybe you’ll be friends in the end?” 

Glimmer looked at you with an air of hopefulness and you nodded slightly. She must have thought about this for a while to be able to come up with such convincing reasons. 

“If you really don’t want to I can still give you a different partner or pull you from this mission entirely. But I believe in you, I think you’d manage this mission perfectly.” 

You nodded again and smiled at her: 

“I’ll do it. If you believein me, so do I. I don’t want to be stuck because of my past for forever, I want to change.” 

To this Glimmer and Bow, both tackled you to the ground in a tight hug. 

You let out a surprised yelp as you fell to the ground. But you started laughing with them as you reciprocated the embrace.

“I’m still not happy about it guys, but I’ll make the most out of it.”

You pressed out between laughs to which Bow responded:

“ No matter! We are so proud of you!”

You remained a cuddle pile for a while until you all had to get up to tend to your duties. 

“I promised Catra and Adora that I’d spar with them.” 

Glimmer nodded and said: “I need to prepare everything for our missions.” And with a heavy sigh, she added: “You know how it is...just queenly duties.”

“I’ve got preparations to do too. Don’t be too hard on Catra and Adora, we still need their help in outer space.”

“Don’t worry, I can hold back but they won’t be too nice on me.” You said smiling. After exchanging your goodbyes you went your separate ways.

You were headed to your room to change into sports attire. On your way there you kept thinking about your conversation with Glimmer and Bow and you recalled the gnawing feeling of envy in your gut.

 _'Can’t I just be happy for my friends? After all they’ve been through, they deserve this. Unlike me, they’re good people at heart.'_

Negative thoughts kept racing in your head until you reached the training hall.

The large building had been built on the castle grounds after the war, to allow better training for all types of fighters.

You often came here at night when sleep evaded you to free your mind and fight your sorrows.

One might say this was your happy place.

Upon entering you were greeted by Adora and Catra who were already waiting for you.

“You are late! You didn’t forget did you?” Catra shouted playfully at you to which Adora rolled her eyes.

“How could I forget? Glimmer and Bow wanted to talk to me and it took a while.” You responded as you walked up to the pair.

“Let’s do warm-ups then!” Adora suggested to which Catra jumped up. 

“Laps?” She asked and started running without waiting for a response from you or her Girlfriend.

Without missing a beat you and Adora followed suit once you had completed the laps you all decided on an actual sparring session. 

  


“Is it a bad thing that I miss fighting?” Catra wanted to know after you finished sparring. 

“I don’t think so. As long as you don’t miss the reason for the fighting you’re fine, I think. Besides, it’s what we’ve been doing all our lives, so we’re used to it.” Adora responded to which you added. 

“I miss it too, sometimes it was just nice to have an enemy you can beat up. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to fight in an actual war again.” to this the too expressed agreement. 

“I still have energy. Are you up for a battle simulation?” Adora challenged you and Catra. Battle simulations were a new thing in Bright Moon. 

Entrapta had created them and took inspiration from the simulations the fright zone had. Here you could fight your way through all sorts of battle scenarios.

“Absolutely down for it.” You and the brunette expressed in unison. 

Therefore you walked to the simulation area, which had been placed underground. 

In today’s simulation, you had to disable a bunch of evil robots that had occupied an important building.

You succeeded at this simulated mission together and were quite exhausted afterwards.

However, this success made all three of you insanely happy and you agreed to celebrate it later.

“So how are we going to celebrate?” You ask your friends.

“I don’t know?” Catra admitted sheepishly.

“Oh, I know!” Adora exclaimed, thus you and Catra looked at her expectantly.

“We break into the castle’s kitchen to steal snacks and booze. And we’ll go outside to watch the stars!” Your friend voiced this idea with zeal.

“But how will we get in without getting caught?” You wondered. 

“Don’t you worry. Glimmer and Bow showed me the best way to sneak in and we’ll distract the kitchen staff somehow.” Adora boasted. You nodded.

“Let’s do it! We’ll meet at our room when the sun has gone down, alright?” Catra proposed.

Once again you simply nodded smiling widely. 

During your training with your two friends, you had entirely forgotten your inner turmoil, but just as you arrived at your room you felt terrible again.

You were simply grateful that neither Catra nor Adora mentioned the incident with Shadow Weaver.

They probably figured you didn’t want to talk about it and didn’t want to themselves, since it had to do with Shadow Weaver. 

Despite slowly forgiving her they still mistrusted her and wouldn’t completely forgive her in the foreseeable future. 

This was completely understandable, however, Shadow Weaver seemed to expect forgiveness from them just because she was one of the good guys now and nearly sacrificed herself for them. 

You couldn’t help but feel as though it would have been better had she died while protecting them from the First One’s guardian. But no- she had managed to kill it and thus survived the fight. 

She wasn’t entitled to anyone’s forgiveness after what she had done to Micah, Catra, Adora, Glimmer and others. 

_And neither am I, what I did was far worse._

You banished the feeling of guilt, telling your self that it was simply irrational.

After entering your room you locked the door and only then began to notice the physical exhaustion from your training. You quickly went into the bathroom which was connected to your room and drew a bath for you to relax in. 

Whilst the tub was filling up you closed all your curtains to block out the early afternoon’s light and undressed. 

Once the tub was full enough you added a light blue bath-salt and got in. You let out a small sigh as the water submerged your body and closed your eyes to relax. 

You had used a bath-salt with muscle relaxing properties to fight the exhaustion and hoped that it would help you. 

You opened your eyes again and looked down at yourself, trying to count the scars on your arms and thighs as well as on your upper body. You never felt bad about leaving them there. 

Have you just always hated yourself or did other people make you hate yourself? You didn’t know the answer but figured that it was probably a combination of both. 

Slowly your thoughts drifted off again and your eyes slipped close once more as the warm water gently swayed around you.

Eventually, you let your head sink underwater and stayed like this, listening to the muffled sounds of Bright Moon; People talking and laughing, doors opening and closing, stairs creaking and the omnipresent thrumming of magic and energy in every living creature. 

Sometimes hearing and feeling all those things got overwhelming. But now that you only perceived them through the protective layer of water made you feel serene and at peace.

You could just stay like this for a while longer, it would be like finally falling asleep rather than the painful death you always imagined for yourself. 

By now all air had left your lungs and you could feel yourself getting dizzy due to the lack of oxygen in your system. You smiled thinking this was it for you, no more sorrows, no stupid mission to go on, no more nightmares, no more guilt and no more pain. 

No more pain. 

No pain. 

Pain; it was shooting through your body now. But you gave in.

“It’s not your time.” You heard someone say, their voice surrounded you and felt strangely familiar, yet you couldn’t recognise it.

“Pull yourself together! Now is not the time!” they spoke again only more insistent this time. It was now you noticed they spoke a language you had never heard before, despite this you understood them perfectly well but were incapable of reacting. 

“GET OUT!” they screamed at you now to which your eyes shot open, water burning them but you didn’t care. You had to comply, you had to do what they wanted you to do. You had to live.

With your last bit of strength, you pulled yourself out of the water and began breathing heavily. Once your breathing had gotten regular again and your eyes had adjusted you looked around for the source of the voice frantically.

No matter where you looked you could find them. Then it dawned on you, the voice came from inside you, or rather from inside your head. 

You finally got up completely, still puzzled at the experience. You had been so close to what you had wanted for ages now but some part of you had refused and saved you. Standing in your bathroom soaking wet you looked at yourself in the mirror. Now you felt bad, you felt bad for what you had done to yourself all those years.

And you finally meant what you told Glimmer. You truly wanted to change and get better.

While drying yourself and picking out new clothes you wondered whether Glimmer and Bow had figured out what you had done to yourself.

Once you got changed into casual clothing you opened the curtains again. The sun had sunken a bit and it was almost late afternoon.

You let yourself fall onto your bed just stared at the wall in front of you. Deep in thought about how you had survived, you felt remorse for even trying. 

A knocking at the door had you snap back into reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this longer chapter, despite it being depressing. But I promise it's important for the rest of the story.


	3. Stargazing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get called into another meeting by Glimmer where you get to show off a bit.  
> Later that evening Adora, Catra and you go through with your plan of celebrating outside, but instead of partying you discuss your past.

A knocking at the door had you snap back into reality.  
You rose to answer the door, before unlocking it you took a deep breath to compose yourself and put on a friendly smile.  
“What is it?” You asked once you had opened the door, looking at one of the palace guards.  
“Good afternoon [Y/n]. The queen expects to see you in the meeting room,” she responded in a matter of fact tone.  
“Again? Oh well, I’ll be there in a moment.” You were quite puzzled at being called to the meeting room once again.  
The guard had nodded at you and left you to yourself again.  
You quickly put on a pair of shoes, your favourite pair of combat boots to be exact and made your way to see Glimmer.  
Upon arriving you didn’t waste a second on knocking and simply barged into the room.  
As you entered you were greeted by Glimmer calling out to you: “Glad you’re here!” as well as Bow waving to you “We’re still waiting for the rest to arrive.” he explained.  
“Who are we waiting for?”  
“The others who are going on a mission soon.”  
“Alright then.” you smiled, a bit annoyed at yourself for not figuring it out earlier. You thought Glimmer and Bow wanted to talk to you alone again.   
The prospect of others being around made you uneasy.  
What if someone noticed that you were unwell and questioned you about it?  
You didn’t want anybody to notice, you didn’t want to be a burden and least of all seem weak.  
Despite your worries, you conjured up a cheery expression, especially because you just remembered the upcoming celebration with Catra and Adora.   
Bored of being on your feet you hoisted yourself up to sit on the table in one swift movement.   
Just as you wanted to engage in conversation with your friends you heard an amused voice from behind you.  
“Now that’s not what I call good manners.”  
The one who spoke was Shadow Weaver, she had already been here when you arrived but you paid her no attention. You wanted to leave her in the belief that she had gone unnoticed by you, as you always did when you saw her around. However, it was near impossible for you to not notice her whenever she was in any close proximity to you. For some reason her presence stood out to you, maybe it was her striking appearance? Someone dressed mainly in red simply couldn’t fade into the background, at least not to you. Maybe it was just because you didn’t like her?  
The fact that her presence always made it to the forefront of your mind bothered you, thus you always tried to avoid her further; for example, you never went near her garden or the wing of the castle that her room was in.   
Without turning around you retaliated.  
“At least I have the decency not to sit on somebody else’s seat.”  
At that you could her chuckle, this characteristic deep, throaty sound had always made you angry, even if there was no reason for you to get mad at it. Furthermore, you could feel her staring at you.  
“Well, you’re not letting this go anytime soon, are you? Holding grudges is not a good look.”  
You let out an exasperated sigh.  
“Condescending as always, huh? Now I for my part wouldn’t have mentioned it, if you hadn’t picked the topic back up again.”  
You had stayed calm throughout this entire exchange and not once bothered to look in her direction, instead, you focused on the door in front of you, taking in all the details and waiting for it to open.   
A part of you hoped that this made her mad and you wished to see her expression. Since that wasn’t possible you searched for a clue in her voice.  
“So now it’s all my fault?” she asked in her singsong voice and you could still feel her gaze burning into your back.   
“Absolutely right.” as you said this you leaned back a little and propped yourself up with your arms. Like this you could sense any vibrations going through the table and were able to trace some of the energy back to were Shadow Weaver was seated. She did in fact emit quite a high frequency leading you to believe that she was a little mad at you.   
Normally you avoided deliberately tracking somebody’s energy because it was overwhelming and started to hurt you after a while.   
This time it was worth it and with a satisfied smile you pushed yourself up again to sit normally.   
You decided to keep track of her frequency in the future, to analyse her and to maybe to use it against her.  
You had been watching the door this entire time and it was now that it creaked open and Catra, Adora and Melog entered the room with Entrapta, Hordak and Wrong Hordak in tow.  
“Talking to you was pleasant as always.” Shadow Weaver said and you swore you could practically hear her grin sarcastically while doing so.  
To spite her you pretended not to notice.  
“Can’t say the same about you.”  
With this nonchalant statement you must have hit a weak point because just as the words left your mouth, you sensed a strong, sudden frequency from her direction despite not having forged a physical connection to her energy as you did before.   
This sudden shockwave led you to think that her pulse sped up and that she had quickly changed her position or tensing up rapidly.   
Had you hurt her by saying this?  
Judging from the little you knew about her she didn’t like people defying her or talking back.  
The sudden change in vibration caused you a throbbing headache and your vision to blur.   
Instinctively you reached up to hold your head to which you noticed that your forehead had gotten extremely feverish.   
What in the world?  
Incomprehensible words and colours raced in your brain not allowing you to form cohesive thoughts.  
On top of that, your vision went blurry and stars danced in front of your eyes.  
Bow had rushed to your side worriedly.  
“[Y/n], what’s wrong?” you could hear him say but his voice was far away and only reached you through a thick mental fog.   
On the edge of your perception, you could see the others crowding around you but you could only recognize their blurred out silhouettes  
“Is she broken?” you could hear Entrapta ask.  
“No she’s sick!” you perceived Glimmer’s worried voice.  
“Has this happened before?” that was Shadow Weaver’s voice, she seemed to you like she was worried too.  
Why?  
“No-” Adora responded.  
The headache started to change to a blunt, puckering pain. Almost like an anxiously beating heart.  
You tried to say something to explain yourself but the words evaded you.   
“Try to calm your breathing.” you couldn’t tell who said this but you listened to their advice and started to get your breathing under control which made you feel better. You hadn’t even noticed the irregularity of it.  
In consequence, the pain in your head started fading and your vision began to restore itself.  
Slowly but surely you felt better again and managed a weak smile.  
“I didn’t mean to worry you-” you began, only to be interrupted.  
“Don’t apologise.” Bow said.  
“Are you better?” Catra wanted to know.  
To which you just nodded.  
You felt strangely exhausted from this sudden burst of pain.  
“Give me two minutes and I’m going to be fine.” You managed to say in a frail whisper.   
Your friends nodded and gave you relieved smiles.  
I must have worried them a lot.  
“If you need anything just tell me.” Glimmer encouraged.   
You gave her a nod and slid down from the table to sit on your chair, you began looking around trying to let what happened sink in.  
The others went to sit on their respective seats still keeping their eyes on you and seeming extremely worried.   
You were still recovering from your pains when Glimmer began the meeting.   
You listened to her explaining that all of you would leave the day after tomorrow and that you’d have tomorrow to pack you bags and organise yourselves.   
She also explained to her group that Entrapta and the two clones were tagging along to help with technology and because Entrapta was very curious to see more of outer space.   
The young woman seemed very excited at this prospect, you could see the excitement in her eyes and in the way she was bouncing in her seat.  
After a while, you felt completely recovered and decided to put your feet up on the table in front of you.   
As you did you deliberately stared at Shadow Weaver, your expression saying:   
‘Say something about it, I dare you.’  
She did react to that with a barely noticeable head tilt and a sceptic narrowing of her mask’s eyes, however, she kept her silence.   
You continued to vaguely listen to Glimmer talk and answer questions from her group, none of this really concerned you, therefore you stayed focused on keeping your composure and tried to figure out why you had been feeling so terrible all of a sudden.  
It had to do with your powers and the sudden change in frequency caused by Shadow Weaver’s reaction. Normally a reaction like this didn’t cause a physical response from you, you could sense most movements others made, especially if you wanted to.  
You wondered whether this was because you had deliberately forged a connection to her energy a bit earlier.  
For now, you decided to shrug it off, you’d have to spend a lot of time with Shadow Weaver in the near future so you didn’t want to spend your ‘free time’ thinking about her too.  
“Any more questions regarding the missions?” Glimmer’s words shook you from your thoughts.  
You didn’t have a question and wanted to get out soon.  
Shadow Weaver, however, raised her voice.  
“It’s more of a question to [Y/n].” she started to which Glimmer nodded: “That works too.”  
The sorceress then addressed you.  
“Not to be rude, but what is your power?”  
You were taken aback by the straightforwardness of this question.  
“Why?” you asked.  
“Oh, I’ve just never seen you use any powers. I’ve been wondering whether or not you actually have any. Or do you just use your fists?”  
“I do. You’d know if you hadn’t always been preoccupied with manipulating my friends.”   
“So what might it be? Rudeness?” she mocked.  
“I’ll show you.” You said and rose from your chair. “Punch me.” You said challenging her.  
Now she was the one who looked confused.  
“I beg your pardon?”  
“Punch me.” You said in an aloof tone.  
To this Bow cut in: “Do you think that’s a good idea? After what just happened to you?” he was referencing the headache.  
“I’m fine, I already feel like it never happened.” you shrugged and noticed that Shadow Weaver still didn’t understand.   
“I said what I said. Come over here and punch me.” You demanded again.  
Figuring that you were serious about this she got up and walked around the table over to you. This seemed somehow surreal, not like something that would happen during a meeting.   
After a few long moments she stood in front of you, seeming totally out of place; like this was not what she expected.  
She tilted her head in confusion: “Where?”  
“Wherever you see fit. Don’t be shy, I can take it.” you joked, knowing that you absolutely could.  
“If you insist. Don’t complain about afterwards.”   
Everyone else around the table was looking at you and her and you heard some of them whisper to each other.   
Unlike Shadow Weaver, they knew what you could do and figured that it wouldn’t be fun for Shadow Weaver.   
“You wanted to know, now you get to find out.” You said, encouraging her to go for it.  
You could see her prepare herself and then swing at you, aiming for your shoulder.  
Right before her fist made impact an armour of purple-blueish crystals emerged on the spot she aimed for and started spreading on a wider area around your left shoulder.  
You could see the eyes of her mask widen in shock as her fist made contact with the hard, pointy minerals.   
You used this moment of surprise to strike, you reached out with your right hand and generated a forceful vibration which sent Shadow Weaver into the air, throwing her towards the opposite end of the room until her body crashed into the wall.  
Now your conscience set in and you felt bad for her, after all, she didn’t know what she was getting into, even though you didn’t use your full potential you didn’t hold back either.   
She had slid down the wall in the meantime and looked a bit dishevelled, to say the least.   
You saw her stir up and then started running towards her and kneeled next to her.  
Guilt visible on your face, even though you desperately wanted to keep your cool, you offered to help her up anyways.  
You felt like that was the least you could do now.   
“That’ll leave a bruise.” Shadow Weaver groaned as you helped her.  
“I guess I’m sorry?” you apologised.  
“I’ll be alright. I did ask for you to show me and I should have guessed that you’re powerful.” She admitted meekly.  
You didn’t know what to say, somehow you felt like you had overstepped. However, her request had the purpose of putting you on the spot, to humiliate you and you just did what she asked you to do. Therefore – you concluded – you had no reason to feel bad about it, she did this to herself by doubting you. And now she made it seem like she had always known which angered you since she clearly didn’t.  
Your empathy had run dry.  
“I take it that my demonstration satisfied you?” you enquired, putting all your protective barriers up again, a stoic expression on your face.  
“Quite. However, I would like to see you fight in a proper battle.” She said in that low voice of hers.  
“Maybe you’ll get the chance.” You responded with a sigh.  
By now she was standing properly again and seemed perfectly fine on her own, multiple pairs of eyes were focused on you with keen interest, yet no one had dared to intervene.   
Glimmer eventually spoke up: “That’s enough for today I think.” Her voice was dripping with worry, you weren’t sure if she was worried about the sorceress or scared of you or afraid, that Shadow Weaver might seek revenge for this. The thought of it had crossed your mind but you doubted it since she basically asked you to do this, she had no right to be mad at you.  
Out of courtesy you helped Shadow Weaver to her seat and left for your own when she spoke again.  
“Would you mind explaining to me what exactly it is you can do?” She asked slyly.   
You turned around with a tiny smile.  
“I control and generate vibrations and I sense them. People called it seismokinesis in the past. And the other thing – that’s how I react to physical impacts, can’t control it.” you explained.   
You saw her nod, probably satisfied with this response.   
What did she need this information for?  
Wondering about that you went to sit down again and awaited someone comment on this, but no one did.  
“Should I not have done that?” you asked sheepishly, mainly addressing Glimmer.  
She shook her head: “You’re an adult, you can make your own decisions [Y/n]. But maybe- Maybe you shouldn’t have.”  
“Why?”  
“Well, it was reckless, you could have seriously injured her.”  
“She wanted me to show her, and you could have stopped me if you had really wanted to. But you didn’t.”  
“I know, but-”  
“Well, I didn’t mind that.” Catra cut in to which Adora had to hide a grin.  
“Right, can we just get over this? I don’t want you two to fight!” Bow insisted.  
“I guess you’re right. Not my business.” Glimmer admitted.  
“Besides I’m fine, learning things can be painful sometimes.” Shadow Weaver was defending you?  
You smiled at Glimmer and you were sincere, she smiled back.   
“Let’s not fight.” She resolved.  
“[Y/n], Shadow Weaver. We’ll be in contact with you via our trackerpads and you’ll also have the ability to contact Micah if you can’t reach me or Bow,” she added.  
Both of you nodded in agreement.  
“Are we done?” Entrapta enquired.  
“I think so.” the queen responded.  
“Awesome! I NEED to prepare myself properly for outer space!” she yelled, voice rich with excitement, she jumped up and left the room, walking on her hair as usual.  
“I suppose that’s it then, thanks for being here I guess.” your friend concluded.   
Once everyone started leaving the meeting room, Catra gave you a conspirational smirk and called out to you.  
“See you in fifteen!” She referred to your meeting and since the sun started setting, you had to hurry.  
And you did, you practically ran back to your room and gathered the stuff you thought you might need.  
A blanket to sit on and a jacket if it got colder than expected.  
With that under your arms, you left again, locked the door and rushed over to were Adora and Catra’s room was.  
There you met the couple as well as Melog, who was delighted to see you and greeted you by leaping at you.  
After greeting each other the four of you went towards the kitchen.  
“We figured that Melog could just turn us invisible, that way, we for sure won’t get caught.”, Adora told you.  
“Sounds good to me.” You voiced your agreement.  
About ten metres from the kitchen your group stopped and Melog turned you invisible, this always felt strange, since the world around you felt slightly blurred from behind the veil of anonymity.   
Catra carefully opened the door to the kitchen and all of you squeezed yourselves through the ajar door.  
Once inside you had to avoid the staff running into you and barely escaped a young man who was gesticulating wildly with a rolling pin while retelling some joke to his colleague.   
They both broke out into wild laughter while you were sneaking past them, Adora seemed to find the joke hilarious as well since she tried her hardest not to laugh too.  
Eventually, after overcoming a few other obstacles (you had knocked over a pot on accident as you jumped out of the way of an angry-looking cook) you reached the pantry.  
“What are we getting?” you asked in a low whisper.  
“Anything we want.”, Catra responded in the same hushed tone while pulling out a box of chocolate chip cookies from the cabinet closest to her.   
Adora held open a bag for Catra to put stuff in, which she did. You saw her go through at least half of the cabinets taking one or two items out of each.  
“Catra, pick some alcohol!” Adora giddily demanded of her girlfriend to which the other complied.  
“But which one?” She said looking into a cabinet that was packed full of wines, ciders and other beverages which were foreign to you.  
“I don’t know. Apple cider?” you asked.  
“No, pick a liquor!” Adora said.  
“How about this?” She pulled out some fancy looking bottle of blue liquor. “And this?” She held up a bottle of dark red wine.  
You had to admit that you knew next to nothing about alcohol, you had rarely had any in your life. In Yberinna you sometimes got to drink at big festivities usually they offered apple cider because it was pretty much the only thing they produced there. And in the Crimson Waste, you maybe drank a beer with Huntara once every two years, and that was it.   
“Are you planning on getting drunk?” you enquired, partly worried partly curious.  
“Maybe? I don’t know how easily I get drunk.” Adora admitted.  
“Bet you’re a lightweight!” Catra mocked.  
“Oh, and you aren’t?” The two continued to bicker while you pulled out a bottle of cider which had similar ingredients to the one you knew from ‘home’.  
Everything went into the bag and you left the kitchen the same way you had entered, this time it was deserted.   
You had never set foot in the castle’s kitchen so now that you were here you looked around. Four big stone ovens stood next to each other, on the wall opposite to them there were four stoves, all of them freshly cleaned and not in use currently. In the middle of the kitchen, there were lots of worktables, used by the staff to prepare meals, these had been cleaned recently as well.   
All in all this kitchen wasn’t too different from the one you knew from your childhood however, it seemed a lot smaller. You could swear that the kitchen in Yberinna’s castle was three times as big, even though the castles were about the same size. Then you remembered, the rulers of Yberinna threw many feasts for their citizens and food was generally everybody’s first love in Bright Moon you hadn’t witnessed many festivities which surely justified the difference.   
You were the last to leave the kitchen since you had started examining the floor tiles, they were of a palish pink and highly polished, had you been visible you could have seen your reflection as clearly as in a mirror.  
The fact that people took that much care of their kitchen floor astounded you, cleaning it must take the staff hours.  
Once all of you were gathered in the hallway, you decided to stay invisible to sneak out as well, to avoid anyone noticing you.  
The sky was already coloured in deep red, purple and orange tones with a few stray white clouds sprinkled across it when you entered the palace grounds and were turned visible again.   
“Let’s find a spot to sit.” You suggested and which your friends agreed to.  
You made your way over the pristinely kept gardens to a slightly elevated hill, hoping for the best view of the sky.  
You spread out your blankets and joked around while you did.  
When you all had sat down and made yourselves comfortable Adora pulled the bottles and of the bag and proceeded to dump the rest of its contents out on the blankets.   
You saw Catra immediately reach for the chocolate chip cookies and stuff one of them into her mouth.  
You too got yourself a cookie and munched on it while Adora pulled out three glasses and poured some of the blue liquor into all of the glasses, she handed you yours with a smile.  
“I genuinely don’t know what this stuff is.” She admitted.  
“Me neither.”; Catra said, voice muffled due to the cookie she was chewing on.  
“We’ll see.” You said with a shrug.  
Catra was the first to raise her glass: “To our successful simulation mission!”  
You and Adora echoed this statement as you clanked your glasses together.  
The first sip of this drink was bland and flavourless but so terribly fizzy that you started choking on it, coughing you tried to gasp for air and eventually recovered when Catra started hitting you hard on the back.  
“Damn it, this stuff is terrible. Thanks, Catra.” you croaked.  
She just laughed: “I quite like it. Try it again!” she encouraged.  
“I wasn’t going pour it out, don’t worry.”  
To your surprise your second try of the blue beverage was a lot more pleasant, you could make out a fruity and sweet taste that went down harshly, stinging in your throat.  
“It’s actually not bad.” Adora had to admit as well.  
“It’s fine.” you took another sip, finding that you really liked the the taste as well as the stinging sensation of the liquor.  
For a while you just sat on your blankets, sipping stolen liquor and looking up at the sky, feeling like you had not only stolen food but also the severity of reality, all of you felt like you had made some glorious escape from life and your upcoming duties.  
Neither would admit it, yet you knew how intimidating their mission felt to Adora and Catra.   
They had only recently started to get along again and begin making amends with their past, however, all of this was new for them. Especially for Catra having many people around who actually cared about her was foreign and scary. You and she had initially bonded over feeling like the odd one out like you didn’t belong here amongst the princesses and good guys. But both of you did and you liked to think that you helped Catra settle in since you had been in her position before.   
By now the sun had said her goodbyes, the multiple etherian moons had begun to rise and stars were sprinkled across the blue sky like freckles on a sun-kissed face.   
You looked up at them longingly, wishing to understand their mysteries hoping they held the answers to questions you had never dared to ask aloud.  
Where do I come from?  
This question had been floating around in your consciousness since you could remember.   
You surely weren’t of Etheria, that wouldn’t make any sense at all-  
An upcoming wind seemed to blow your worries away, but maybe it was just the alcohol settling into your system.  
“Today has been a hell of a day, hasn’t it?” you asked into the contemplative silence.  
“Has it? I thought it was like any other.” Adora responded.  
“Maybe it’s just me.” you wondered out loud.  
“Tell us about it.”, Catra demanded.  
“If you insist.” to this you saw your friend nod in your peripheral vision.  
Thus you began talking, mentioning how your day started eerily good and spiralled downwards from there on out.  
“I mean, I get into a fight, Glimmer sends me on a mission to a terrible place with you know who, I have to talk to her about my ‘Problems’. And then we had our training, things started to look up again, but then I almost drowned in my bathtub-” you made it seem like an accident on purpose, not wanting the two to worry. “I got sick with an inexplicable headache after during a meeting and then I practically beat up an old woman-”  
To this Catra couldn’t contain her laughter.  
“That was grand! I would have paid to see that, almost like therapy!”   
You smiled weakly: “I feel bad about it, I couldn’t even tell you why. Was that really adequate?”  
“Hell yes it was, she had that coming for a long time, don’t stress it.” the feline woman assured you.  
“Catra’s right, Shadow Weaver kinda deserved that, besides she asked you to do it.”  
“if you say so.” you gave in, even though your conscience wasn’t quite settled, maybe you should talk to her about it?  
“But I agree, your version of today sounds like a hell of a day.”, Adora confirmed.  
“Well now, we can forget about that right?” you asked.  
To this your friends showed strong agreement, Adora pouring all of you your second glass.  
You finished this one fairly quickly and set it down next to you as you laid down on your back, getting the perfect view of the cloudless night sky and its celestial bodies.  
It was then you saw a shooting star crossing the firmament above you.  
‘Make a wish!’ you thought to yourself.  
‘Where am I actually from?’ The wish was there, at the forefront of your mind, without you having to ask yourself what to wish for.  
“Did you see that shooting star?” you asked your friends, childlike excitement in your voice, unfortunately, they hadn’t seen it.  
“I hope you made a wish!” Adora mentioned jokingly while Catra loudly opened a packet of crisps.  
“I wish I had seen it.” She said before crushing a potato crisp with her catlike teeth.  
You giggled a bit, looking back at the sky, currently sipping on your third class of liquor and eating the occasional cookie or crisp.  
You didn’t know how long you had stayed that way, but while you traced the patterns of the stars something dark moved into your field of vision, blocking you from seeing the stars.   
At first, you took it for a dark cloud, but as you focused on it you realised it was a person, you sat up getting a closer look at them.  
To your utter dismay, it was Shadow Weaver imposing on your little party.  
When she noticed that she had your attention she raised her voice:  
“And what might the three of you be doing out here this late?” While she spoke she looked down at you, her form blurring into the darkness of the horizon behind her.   
“We’re four actually.”, Catra said, pointing at Melog who laid curled up, sleeping at her feet.  
“Ah yes, of course. Don’t mind if I ask, but did you sneak that stuff from the kitchen?” she wished to know glancing at the snacks and the bottles.  
“No.” Adora simply countered.  
“How come I don’t believe you? How do you know I won’t tell anyone.”  
“You couldn’t even get a crow to believe you, don’t bother.” Catra’s voice sounded bored, but you knew she was angry. She had hoped Shadow Weaver would improve and become a better person, but currently, she proved Catra, who was probably more irate due to the influence of alcohol, wrong.  
You saw the sorceress shrug: “I can be very convincing if I want to.”  
“We know.”, Catra replied bitterly.  
“Just leave us, okay?” Adora demanded in a harsh tone, protective of her girlfriend.  
“But you still haven’t told me what you’re doing out here at this hour.” the sorceress asked ignorantly.  
“We are trying to watch the stars, but you are blocking the view.” you finally snapped after listening to her berating your friends.  
“Oh, my dear. You should get used to seeing me all day, [Y/n]. After all, we have a long mission ahead of us, don’t we?” her reply was full of mock compassion and she had now kneeled down to be on eye-level with you, laying one hand on your shoulder.   
“I’m not a ‘dear’, least of all yours. Besides, don’t flatter yourself. No-one said I’d look at you during our mission.” you retaliated in a standoffish tone to which she remained silent.   
Her hand was still placed on your shoulder and you could sense even the smallest tremor emitting from her, you could feel the frequency of her racing heartbeat all around you. Despite her success at not showing it outwardly, Shadow Weaver was nervous.   
“What makes you shiver?” You asked leaning towards her before she could say anything. “What makes you nervous?” you whispered, tilting your head but never breaking the eye contact you had established. You had decided to toy with her, whether due to being tipsy or just out of cruelty was unclear to you.  
Her reaction brought a small smile onto your lips; her eyes widened in shock and she stood abruptly while smoothing out her long gown with her hands she made a mumbled mention of ‘leaving now’ and ‘have a good night’ with that she vanished into the night.  
“Good riddance.” you sighed when she was out of earshot.   
Adora and Catra looked at you with a mixture of stunned curiosity and admiration.  
“How? How did you do that?” Adora muttered quizzically.  
“I just, I don’t know, relied on embarrassing her?” you said like it was the most normal thing in the world.  
“Well, it worked.” Catra congratulated you.  
“[Y/n], you really dislike Shadow Weaver, why exactly? You haven’t known her that long, what has she done?” Adora wanted to know of you.  
“Well, it’s kind of obvious, isn’t it?” you began your explanation. “She’s made your lives hell and basically manipulated everyone around her. I’m not really fond of people mistreating my friends, besides ever since I’ve first met her, she’s been weird to me. You know, she makes strange remarks about everything I say or do, she tried to get people to dislike multiple times and I think has found a passion for belittling and humiliating me.”  
The two nodded at that.  
“That’s understandable.” you heard Adora say.  
“And – this must sound very strange – I’ve known her for far longer than I’ve actually known her.”  
“What?” Adora and Catra blurted out in unison looking very puzzled.  
“That doesn’t really make any sense.” the brunette critiqued.  
“Let me explain.” you started again. “Ever since I can remember I have never been able to sleep well, I’ve always had the same unpleasant dreams reoccur to me. In one of them, I’m in agonising pain, unable to move even the slightest bit and all I see is her face, well her mask, looking down at me. When I wake up, the pain is still there.” you paused questioning why you even told them this. “I know, this must sound strange to you...but I think this is what built the foundation for my dislike for her.” you looked at them, afraid they’d judge you.  
“That is strange.”, Adora confirmed.   
“How is that even possible?” Catra wondered aloud.  
“I don’t know. It shouldn’t be possible.” You admitted, you had never understood your dreams and probably never would.  
You remembered that, when you arrived in Bright Moon after you leaving the Crimson Waste with the rebellion, you met Shadow Weaver shortly after you arrived. Of course, you immediately recognised her and thus began hating her instantly, she seemed to dislike you promptly too. As you recalled this you weren’t even sure if she had disliked you out of her own volition or as a reaction to your dislike of her.  
“Do you think that she somehow had access to your mind?” Adora asked.  
You shook your head: “How could she have known me? I grew up in a reclusive kingdom that no foreigner has ever seen.”  
“True.” your friend nodded in acknowledgement.  
“I doubt I’ll ever know, maybe I’ll confront her about it.” you shrugged.   
“Would you tell us about the other dreams too?” Catra asked curiously.  
You stayed quiet for a moment, asking yourself if you wanted to share this much.  
“It’s alright if you don’t want to.” Adora stepped in.  
“No, it’s fine. I can trust you with that.” you smiled at your friends.  
Thus you began telling them about other dreams, you went into the most detail about the one you had the most frequently.   
A dream in which you could always see a quick image of one of Horde Prime’s big holograms above you, clones storming towards a screaming crowd. You told them about the images fading to black and screams of fear and pain filling your ears, being unable to distinguish your own cries from those of the people around you.  
In the next part of this dream, you saw your arm reaching out, fingers brushing up against cool, sturdy scales shimmering in a blueish-purple this too would fade to black.   
The last thing you could feel in this dream was the sensation of falling a great distance, cold wind whipping around your body, you could see stars fading away from your field of vision. Lastly, your body made an impact with the ground.  
“I think these are more than dreams, they must be memories.” You said, thus ending your retelling.  
“How so?” Catra asked with confusion in her voice, while Adora looked at you with pure astonishment.  
“I guess I have to explain a bit more. I was not born a princess, the royal family of Yberinna took me in when I was a child. But I was no ordinary orphaned child, they wouldn’t have taken me if I that had been the case. It’s a strange story, let me explain; on one peculiar starless night a shooting star could be seen crossing the night sky above Yberinna, this confused the people since there were no stars in Etheria at that time. The shooting star came closer and eventually was seen hitting the ground near the castle. The queen and her husband rushed outside accompanied by guards and they found me sleeping in a huge crater where the shooting star was said to have made an impact. The queen, having recently lost her unborn child took this as a sign from a higher power and raised me as her own.” you paused for a moment. “I was too young to understand this then, but the dreams had been there already, like smudged memories from a distant past life. I saw Horde Prime before I could have even known about his existence and the falling in my dream must be the memory I have of falling to Etheria. I think that proves that I’m not from here, you know?”  
Adora and Catra stared at you, jaws hanging open with surprise.  
“You are from a different planet?” Catra’s voice cracked as she spoke with excitement.  
“I’m 99.9 per cent sure.” You said. “I’ve always been homesick for a place I can’t really remember and I miss people whose faces are blurred and who speak a foreign language. When I was found I too spoke a different, non-etherian language.”  
“That’s crazy.”, Adora said stunned. “Why didn’t you tell us about this earlier?”  
“I never wanted to and was afraid that no-one would believe me if I did.”  
“I get that.”, Catra said affirmatively.  
None of you had anything to say right now, you knew that Catra and Adora wanted to ask you a plethora of questions but refrained from it to be respectful.   
The silence felt uncomfortable, you feared you had told them to much, you had never opened up about this and now that you had it felt like the world came crashing down on you. The dark sky seemed to inch closer to suffocate you, the ground under you felt like it was spinning around itself faster and faster until eventually, you felt like you were dangling upside down, looking at the stars from above them.   
Intangible thoughts raced in your mind not allowing your brain to rest.   
Time was passing at a strangely fast pace, you were sure that the hands of any clock were going crazy right now; turning backwards and forwards again; slowing down, speeding; stopping and starting again.   
‘Would I have told them if I hadn’t drunk anything?’ you wondered.  
‘Yes.’ The answer seemed clear, it was about time that you shared this and on top of all, you deemed Adora and Catra to be trustworthy. After all, Adora had only recently found out that she was actually a First One so she would probably understand you best.  
You turned to Adora and Catra and saw that both of them had fallen asleep. How long had it been since you last spoke? Five minutes? An hour? Two? You looked up at the horizon finding that the sky was getting light again. You sat up considering waking Catra and Adora up but then decided against it, not wanting to disturb their sleep. Instead, you scribbled a note on a scrap piece of paper you found in your jacket saying: ‘I went inside, didn’t want to wake you. - [Y/n]’ You tucked this note into Catra’s half-closed fist.   
You got up standing on your tired, slightly wobbly legs was difficult at first, but you managed to fold up your blanket and gathering the unopened snacks and the still full bottle of cider into the bag which Adora had brought. You also took the empty packages to throw away in the castle.   
When you got up Melog lifted their head and started getting up, looking directly into your eyes.  
“No, it’s fine. Keep an eye on the two.”, you told Melog to which they laid back down.  
As you made your way back through the dark you prayed to not run into anybody, because you really weren’t up to talk to anyone or explain yourself.   
Before you reached the gates you remembered the guards, you stopped dead in your tracks wondering how you’d get back in.  
It was then you heard a rumbling sound behind you, upon turning around you saw Melog seemingly offering to help you out.  
“Thanks, I’d be lost without you.” You whispered, voice full with gratitude.   
The big catlike being stepped towards you enveloping you in a shroud of invisibility walking with you towards the gate where they teleported with you behind the gates. Melog helped you all your way to the kitchen where you put everything back into the cabinets and disposed of the trash in a large dustbin in the centre of the kitchen.   
When you were done and left the kitchen Melog separated from you, turning you visible again. You thanked them a lot, saying you’d remember their kindness. Before they left you asked them to bring Adora her bag back, which they seemed to gladly do.  
You went your separate ways in opposite directions.  
Walking back to your room you made sure to walk as silently as possible. You despised the thought of running into anyone and them finding out you had drunk and then questioning you.  
As you walk along the empty hallways you sensed someone moving in your direction, so you threw yourself into a smaller side passage where you hid behind a large flower vase waiting for the person to pass you by. You could sense the small shaking their steps caused long before you heard or saw them, but after a few minutes, you saw a guard passing the small hallway you had hid in. You waited another two minutes until you felt they were out of sight and continued on your way to your room.  
You reached said place without further inconveniences, once you unlocked your door and made it inside you locked the door just as quickly again.   
All you managed was kicking off your boots into a corner before falling into your bed like a dead-weight.   
The influence of alcohol allowed you to quickly fall into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the explanations of [Y/n]'s powers and past were all clear and well understandable. Writing about her powers specifically was a bit difficult because I sometimes found it hard to describe things. Therefore I'm not entirely happy with this chapter.  
> Furthermore, I'll be updating even less frequently than now because I have to start school again soon, thus my time to write will be limited.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this so far!  
> The reason I'm writing this is that I feel like there is not enough Shadow Weaver content and mainly because I love her.  
> I also want to give a quick disclaimer; at any given point of this story, you might want to punch the reader (who is technically yourself) to knock some sense into her.


End file.
